


Where does Mr. Levi go?

by Plinycapybara



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gakuen, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Chemistry, Gay Sex, Gen, M/M, Metaphysics, Philosophy, Sexy Times, Smut, Teacher Levi, chemistry class, eren's pov, eruri - Freeform, principal levi, sloths, teacher!levi, zen sloths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:15:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1326262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Plinycapybara/pseuds/Plinycapybara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mr. Levi is your average high school Chemistry teacher. During double-period labs held on Friday, he mysteriously disappears for half a period--and his students decide to find out why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where does Mr. Levi go?

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Eren's POV. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Also, I don't own Attack on Titan.

"Rad-Lab" Fridays, or as our Chemistry teacher Mr. Levi called it "watch-me-have-to-clean-up-whatever-mess-you-make-on-my-tables" Fridays, included a double period. The other days Mikasa, Armin and myself had gym. Though it wasn’t much of a Chemistry class, to be honest. Especially on "Rad-Lab" Fridays, when Mr. Levi would just bluntly step out for thirty minutes before coming back ten minutes before the second period of the class ended. 

Armin wrote down all of the answers to our work while Mikasa snap-chatted on her phone. I watched as Mr. Levi left the room without a single word. He didn’t even bother to look back at his students. Not that it matter because Sasha was already under the chemical shower as always. 

"Right," Jean peered from the table over, grinning. He then peered at Armin’s notes. "You’re not copying them, too." 

"C’man, man." Jean groaned, "You’re letting Jaeger copy your notes, and not me?" 

"Eren, Mikasa and I have been friends since we were first implanted in our mothers’ uteruses." Armin sighed, "But I’m willing to HELP you. What’s your problem?"   
"Well, I keep calculating for the number of electrons in the element Carbon, but I keep getting the wrong number. I keep getting the number of Calcium." Jean answered. 

"That’s because you’re putting IN the numbers for Calcium. Carbon is C, NOT Ca." Armin said. Jean glanced down at his notes, "You’re a life-saver!" 

"I can see how you’d get them confused." Armin smiled. 

"Dude, this all makes perfect sense now," Jean breathed a sigh of relief. He turned back to Armin, "Is there anything you can’t figure out?" 

"Like why Levi just turns invisible for thirty minutes?" I asked.

"…I can’t really answer that. Anyway, I have to finish this up and then we can talk crazy conspiracy gossip." Armin stopped Jean and I from continued—or, rather, tried. 

I leaned against the desk and looked up at the tiled ceiling. “What if he has an invisibility cloak? You know, like from Harry Potter?”

"Or the One Ring?" Jean added. 

"Dude, that makes perfect sense! He has the PRECIOUS!" Connie joined in. "What if he is a hobbit? That’d explain his short stature!"

"He’d get thrown out of Hobbiton for his attitude, though." Mikasa commented, "Either that, or he’d get drunk off his ass." 

"As much as I love a good Lord of the Rings geek-conversation, I highly doubt that Mr. Levi is a hobbit bearing the One Ring.” Armin tried to calm us down. “You know, because Middle Earth is fictional. It’s a fantasy novel. You know that, right? Please say yes. Don’t make me pity your stupidity more than I already do.” 

There was a brief silence. “Well, in a honesty, where has Mr. Levi been going? Obviously, you don’t believe in Middle Earth or him being a ring-bearing hobbit, so what’s your hypothesis?” Marco asked. 

"Well," Armin lifted his head and began to toy with his mechanical pencil. He bit his lip, "During the other days of the week, we have gym, and he has lunch duty, so he’s probably hungry around this time of day. He might’ve gone to go get something to eat." 

Something to eat, huh? I asked,”Well, where’d he be right now then?” 

"The teacher’s lounge, I’d reckon." Armin answered. Jean grinned at me, his eyes as devious as ever, "Jaeger, you going down there?" 

"I just might." I smiled. "I just might."

—-

I grabbed one of the bathroom passes so I wouldn’t be stopped by the hall monitor. The teacher’s lounge was down the hallway from the cafeteria. It had a single slit that read its name. I opened it—knowing that I was breaking the rules of every high school student—seeing that it was left cracked slightly. 

In there, was Principal Erwin Smith, completely naked, and wearing Mr. Levi’s tie around his hips. Levi was sweating more than Armin after the annual, mandatory, one-mile run in gym. “You do know a lot about Chemistry, Levi.” 

"Of course--why else would you hire a street scum like me?" Levi grinned.  
"Aren't you going to light my busman burner now?" Erwin whispered into Mr. Levi's ear as he grabbed his testicles. 

At that moment, I stood frozen, watching them—completely oblivious to my presence (or the fact that the door to the most sacred room in the entire high school was wide open)—and lost touch with reality. I began to float above my physical body off into the mists of outer space. There, I bet a belt of stoic sloths dressed as Buddhist monks. I bumped into one almost immediately. 

"What can I do for you, young grasshopper?" one of the sloths asked. 

"What’s happening? Where am I? How do I get back?" I looked around at the cosmos. 

"Why do you concern yourself with the physical realm when what is most important is the semantics of life?" the sloth asked. 

"…I don’t know." I stuttered. Not even Armin had asked a question that deep. 

"Hm, interesting. Let me ask you: when you sharp a pencil—is it the pencil that is getting sharpened, or the sharpener itself?" the sloth asked. 

"…I’m not sure?" I answered. 

"You’re not sure why you were peeping on Principal Smith and I having sex?" Levi’s voice brought me back to the physcial realm. I was back in the classroom. The rest of the students had been dismissed. A…time skip? Did I just jump through some wormhole and end up a few hours later? What just happened? Well, either way, I was back in the classroom with a Chemistry teacher who looked like he wanted to tie me to a chair and beat me senseless. 

"Well, no, I didn’t know—I’m sorry, I just came back from talking to a mystic Space Sloth." I said. 

"You need help, Jaeger." Mr. Levi shook his head. 

"M-Mr. Levi, can I ask you a question?" I plead. 

"What," Levi asked. He looked as if he wanted to rip off my head and break my spine in half.

"Um, what actually gets sharper when you sharpen a pencil—the sharpener or the pencil?" I asked. 

"Jaeger, I work eight hours a week, and the spend three hours each night grading papers. You think I have time to ask questions like that?" Mr. Levi explained. I imagined his daily load, his stacks of papers filled with half-assed answers that were either copied off of a certain blonde or just plain bullshitted, lying on a couch and staring at the clock with a bowl of Ramen next to him. Yeah, that college degree was really worth it. 

"No." I stuttered. 

"Then there’s your answer. NOW GET." Mr. Levi spat.


End file.
